Friday, August 15, 2008

“Were it not for the presence of the unwashed and the half-educated,the unreasonable and absurd, the horizon would not wear so wide a grin"

So like I told you, last week was the Grant County Fair and well let me just say, it was all I anticipated and more! I decided for this week I'm giving the review of some of my experiences, and I've been loading my camera with pictures, so for those of you who missed out or want to relive it. . . . . get excited because I'm psyched out of my mind for what's up next! But for today I wanted to share with you a dandy idea that's been brewing in my head.


The Sport that is "People Watching" has a prime season and for me, that's summer! I am continually shocked and amazed at the attire of most people when I head out for special summertime events, my amazement is especially perked during fair time, because it seems to me all rules and regulations regarding style fly out the window, and things that in normal life are mocked and snickered about behind ones back, all of a sudden become A OK!







Well alright then, if that's the case. . . . then game on!





SO for your benefit loyal blogging readers, I have compiled my very own list of things that are approved and encouraged to sport at special events like the one previously mentioned. No need to thank me I just want to ensure everyone blends in properly and doesn't feel foolish!






So here goes. . . .







Emily's Official Fair Time Style Guide








Do's






1. Rock a baseball cap. . . . but not just any baseball cap, only those sporting the logo of your favorite Auto Parts Store or local Gas station. . . .oh and make sure it's nice and stained with sweat and grease, that's much more authentic! All sports teams/ name brands need not apply!









2. I know you've had the same pair of jean shorts since '93, but please, please keep wearing them because apparently they never go out of style no matter what wash they are!





3. Unsure of what to pair with those classic cut offs


Fellas- The dirtier the T-Shirt the better and I don't mean unwashed, I mean please find that perfect shirt with a phrase on it that screams I'm the biggest Perv ever!!!!







Some of my personal favorites have been






"Sex Instructor, first lesson free"






"Will Work For Sex"






"What's a good girl like you, doing in dirty mind like mine"






and my personal favorite






"I'm not a Gynecologist, but I'd like to take a peek"








Isn't that tender! There where many others that where too dirty to repeat on my blog, but trust me they where gems!








And of course ladies, we can't forget you. . . . .






This mainly goes out to the ladies that are 40 and over. I have good news it's is officially OK for you to borrow your 21 yr. old daughters backless tank top, as long as you wear it to the rodeo you are golden! Just throw to the side the fact that things are not nearly as toned as they once where. . . . .I don't think anyone will notice! You just go and wear the heck out of that top with your cut off (but folded up so you can't tell) booty shorts and hit on a cowboy or two. After all you are as young as you feel, even if your saggy skin suggest otherwise.





4. My favorite look is the smocked tube dress, or as my Bro. in Law calls it the Uni-boob dress, appropriately named because that's exactly what it makes you look like, which to me is slightly unattractive, but I guess I'm the only one that feels that way, because I see these non stop on woman of every shape and size. No weight limit here!


DONT'S


1. DO Not. . . . I repeat Do Not Wear a belt. . . .ever! I think the picture explains it all!




2. There's no need to be ashamed of the part of your arms that don't see the sun, or it's OK if your swimsuits a halter top and your rocking something strapless. Do you have awkward tan lines, well wear them with pride because I guess I'm the only one judging people about this!

3. Ah the Fanny Pack . . . . . All joking a side this item is actually very handy at places like theme parks and festivals. . . .which makes them OK to sport, because they are simply just more convenient! I ridicule the pack of the fanny only when you're a middle aged man with pleated shorts and a baseball hat with an over sized bill and you come waltzing into my workshop at WorkSource with one of them on your hip, because then it's just ridiculous! So don't hate on the fanny pack unless you fit the description I just described!

MUST HAVES!



1. You cannot pass up an opportunity for an over sized button with you and your closest family/friends, and be sure you wear that button some where for everyone to see, heck while your at it get two and wear one on each hip, that is a trend that defines fair time for me! It never fails, everywhere I look someones got an over sized button or an abundance of buttons and I think to myself who said that was cool? Apparently whoever it was is highly influential because this has been happening for years!






2. Any kind of grill in it self is fairly unattractive to most people, so add blinking lights to that effect and you got a pretty ugly accessory on your hands! But as un-adorable as it may be, still a huge huge hit with boys and girls a like, after the demo derby I can't tell you how many lit up mouths I saw, it was so funny looking, they must not have mirrors in the bathrooms, because I would think if anyone got a good look at themselves they would have realized how silly that was! But even so I guess my opinion doesn't matter and majority rules and that is why the light up grill is one of my must have accessories!

People never stop amazing me. I mean here I thought things like The Mullett because of it's widely known bad reputation would have people heading straight to the barber! Sadly, that is not so, I'm talking crazy talk because there where mullets all over the place along with everything else I just mentioned. So I've decided, if you can't beat 'em join 'em and the same goes for you. . . . you've been warned! My work here is done!

Peace!

9 comments:

Tiffany Fackrell said...

Oh this was perfect!! SO SO TRUE, every last thing mentioned!

T.Allen-Mercado said...

A little assistance please...What is a carny?

I'm from NYC, I've seen some pretty bizarre fashion trends, but these you have featured are of a whole new caliber, it's actually intriguing-like watching Nat Geo or something. Again I'm ever amused, but do tell where are these fashion faux pas taking place?! *Makes note to plan trip*

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